Halloween Safety

Halloween is rapidly approaching. Make sure to follow these safety guidelines...

• When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to
  see if it's really dead. RUN and don't look back!
• NEVER read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
• Do NOT search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
• If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which
  they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of
  grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several
  rounds to kill them, so be prepared. (This also applies to kids who
  speak with somebody else's voice.)
• When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off or go it alone.
• As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
• Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would
  apply to any other house of the dead as well.
• If you're searching for something that caused a loud noise and find
  out that it's just the cat, GET THE HECK OUT!
• If appliances start operating by them selves, do not check for
  short circuits; RUN out of the house! (again, DON'T look back)
• Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
  
• If you find a town that looks deserted, there's probably a good
  reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
• Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you
  know what you're doing. And even if you're sure you know what you're
  doing, just don't fool with it!
• If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall
  down at least twice. DON'T panic. Despite the fact that you are
  running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving
  fast enough to catch up with you.
• If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
  behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes,
  increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
  
• Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
  listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in
  trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any
  small town in Maine.
• If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to
  the nearby deserted looking house to phone for help. If you think that
  it is strange because you thought you had half of a tank, shoot
  yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be
  eaten.
• If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the
  time to move in with the in-laws. This applies to houses that had
  previous inhabitants who went mad or died in some horrible
  fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your
  house.
• Immediately drop off any hitchhikers who seem to know details
  about your life, or appear blurry.
• Don't just eat garlic, wear it.
• Once you have killed something that was trying to attack you, it
  is best to render it incapable of reanimation by mutilating it. Trust
  me, the extra time for decapitation is well spent, and separate key
  parts as best you can (head, arms, etc...).